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I'm having one of my, admittedly rare, weekends when I hate Naples, though even as I write this the weather is unseasonally mild and you can sit in the sun merely shirt sleeved. However, I shall nurture my feelings of injustice and loathing towards Naples at least until I have finished this post.

So.... where to begin? For a start Neapolitans have no sense of pavement etiquette and should be sent to London en masse for a month to learn how to walk the walk and not to stop dead - bang in front of you - and start a conversation with nobody in particular. Secondly, they have no sense of personal space, which results in people pressing you from all directions. You constantly feel you are being pickpocketed, which perhaps is why you are constantly pressed in the first place. Which brings me to my major gripe.. I had my watch stolen yesterday. Thieving little magpies. 'Microcriminalità' as it so charmingly called is on the up. Again. Leaving the shops at 9.15 yesterday morning I was jumped by two teenagers who ripped off my watch and legged it. Now, I know Naples has more than its fair share of crime, but at 9.15 in the morning??!! I am obviously not Italian, and therefore fair game. The presumption is that as a 'straniero' I am rich and wear a Rolex. I am not and I don't. However, my Citizen Quartz sparkled in the sun and attracted the magpies that go for anything shiny and metallic. Consequently I have now bought a matt black plastic Swatch that will either glint, glisten or remotely resemble a Rolex from 20 metres away.